Archive of Februchairy 2007.
I... I've had this picture for weeks, obviously. I just couldn't rally myself enough to post it. It's... it's just so sad, knowing what is about to happen to poor Matthew. I thought that maybe, by holding off, I could delay the inevitable... but, of course, the picture has already been taken, and any damage that could be done has already been. After all, this day has arrived, despite or because of me, hasn't it?
That's right. It's Matt's birthday. Hope it's a happy one, my friend, in the tiny belly of the quadropus. I... I decorated the top of the website, just the way I know you'd want it to be. Once again, the convenience of sharing a birthday with a major (ly mistaken) holiday.
Third and potentially saddest of five. It's...
Samantha enters the Chamber of Plenty. Seating beyond her wildest imaginings (and that is a considerable statement) wait ahead of her, on the floor and tiered around the edges. She and her trusty companion, the yellow-haired crablet Telemetri, both take short gasps, followed by a second pair of short gasps... and then another. They have both gotten The Hiccups from excitement. Nodding collusively, they both take deep breaths and hold them. Grant The Hiccups no quarter, adventurers.
They gallivant, hand in pincer, across the endless array of seating. There are Roll-N-Swivs of all shapes and colorations as far as their eyes can see (because walls tend to restrict sight after a point... but the room is pretty big), but Samantha quickly identifies the perfect place on which to plant herself. The white Egg Cup accepts her without hesitation.
There is no room for Telemetri, at least not at first... and it is jealous. When Samantha, lost in being ec-static, sets Telemetri on the nearby black desk-type, it gets a new expression. The expression is malice.
If Telemetri spits invisible venom at Samantha, rendering at least unconscious but probably dead, go to Ending 1.
If Telemetri just glares at her and wishes her ill until Samantha falls asleep (from unrelated blissful causes), go to Ending 2.
Ending 1: A knight walks into the room and laments, "Oh, Samantha... my Samantha... what have they done to you? So gently reclined, so well-coordinated in your manner of dress, so trusting of plush... And now. Now! Now, look at what has befallen! Treason. You are taken from us, too soon. At least you perished in good company. Dang, these are good-looking chairs." Telemetri is ignored as the knight pulls up a chair to mourn more comfortably, and eventually the little stuffer sneaks off for further mischief.
Ending 2: Telemetri is dismayed, but then realizes it is also very comfortable in the black chair, and falls asleep also. There are no knights.
Reminder Notice! The web address ilovesittingonchairs.com is active! Tell a friend!
Two of five. It's not a spider, but for some reason I'm less comfortable with this cameo:
I mean, am I focussing on the wrong element here? Am I taking the wrong tone? Is it an error to express concern at our young people placing innocuous-looking but clearly sadistic creatures on their vulnerable regions? I...
Give that chair one of your ganders, if you haven't already. A more luxurious style than the last one, I can only imagine what it must be like to lower myself gently into its ensconce. Mmm. Note, if you will, the crosshair precision of the cushion creases, all channeling directly to the point of contact and saying, "We respect you. We creases are looking after your best interests. No harm shall befall you as long as we are vigilant." And they know nothing but vigilance.
There are certain schools of thought that say, whatever you are doing, you ought just to do that one thing. If you are walking, just walk. If you are eating, just eat. Focus on the meal, the smells and tastes, the entire experience. Don't allow your mind to wander, don't read, don't watch TV. It's a difficult thing to do, but maybe worth a try. Anyway, I just thought about that because there are many activities to engage in while sitting - that's part of the beauty of a good chair. Utility. Adaptability. And... while we don't necessarily have to abide by, "If you are sitting, just sit," I don't see the progression to, "If you are sitting, just make sure terrifying polyester aberrations have easy access to your vitals."
But maybe that's worth a try, too. Samantha seems to enjoy it!