Archive of Januchairy 2007.
Reminder Notice! The web address ilovesittingonchairs.com is active! Tell a friend!
The first of five, sent in by our own Matthewtimbles and featuring Samantha, who braved - on behalf of this humble webseat! - the horrors of photography, retail, and, well:
What a chair that appears to be. Observe the luxurious thickness of the pads. The plentiful armrests, suitable even for full arm extension. It's not a feature you'll use every day, but you'll be glad for the option eventually.
Let's see, details... Matt and Samantha took this and the subsequent pictures at their local Ikea Swedetailer. You're in for a real treat, as you are about to be privy to some very enthusiastic sitting, and that's something we can all appreciate.
Yes, there is a spider on her. I'm worried, too. It appears to be a stuffed facsimile, and she is unconcerned. Maybe we shouldn't think too much about that. Focus on the sitter, the sat-upon, the love that could blossom between them in years to come. Joy! Probably not scary. Just an inanimate, harmless companion joining in on the fun.
...
Notice! The web address ilovesittingonchairs.com is active! Tell a friend!
In accordance with ESRB standards, this picture is rated T. The T stands for Teenagers. The person in this barely-chairly-qualifying image is Amber. She and Teddy are boyfriend/girlfriend, and Teddy was Matt's roommate last year. Matt, am I correct that you are no longer roommates? Still friends, of course. This is immaterial as far as this web site is concerned.
Look, this is important: this picture might not be safe for teenagers. Hence the rating and the censoring. If you are not a teenager (acceptable categories here are "adult," "tween," "veteran," and "infant," to name a paltry few), feel free to click the image to open a larger, uncut version.
Hint: she is not really holding a "T FOR TEEN!" sign. It is a hot sauce bottle dressed up as the Grim Reaper. It is entitled "Ass Beeper." I had to censor that, too, for the teens. Replace the "beep" with whatever makes sense.
People who participate in Hot Sauce Dress-Up, sometimes referred to as "SaucePlayers" or "Burnies," are a much larger subset of the population than most people suspect, if they suspect at all. They are a friendly enough bunch, if a bit inclined toward braggartry. They meet at conventions - usually referred to as "Bonventions" or "Bons" in honor of the fire-oriented gathering of the same name - and show off their absurd or terrifying creations. Sometimes they build on the concepts of already-funny sauce names, but sometimes they head in entirely different directions: for instance turning a few simple bottles of Tabasco into a diorama recreating one of history's infamous moments - disputes rage as to whether or not these should be called "Tabasties" or "Fiascoes" - or dressing a single bottle of same in trendy, miniature clothing, which they call a Fabasco.
Obviously a chair is present, but I can already imagine the hate mail I'm going to get from purists about "featuring" the chair in the image. Listen, guys, I'm with you, but take this into consideration: anyone who can partake of a hot sauce of such obviously murderous proportions and manage to sit down, let alone smile like that, clearly loves their chair with a more - dare I? Oh, I shouldn't - fiery passion than even this illustrious institution usually gets to see. I applaud you, Amber, even if your hobbies are a little creepy.
As mentioned in the last post, here's Rufus the girl cat:
Casey found her at Girl Scout Camp and took her home to save her from Certified Doom. Rufus and I have gotten to be friends; I've befriended a few other cats in my life, but usually pay for it with several days of unbearable congestion. Oh, the wages of love. Am I right? Amiright?
I've got a few series of pictures planned, intending to expediate the content-generation process by lining up several related posts in a row. Unfortunately, the planned appearance of "Your Wednesday Catness" to follow "Your Monday Cuteness" was postponed because Rufus was "fixed" on Tuesday. When informed of this plan, I feared that the peculiar vibrations she was producing - while sitting in my lap and trying to lick the pages of whatever novel I was reading - were actually malfunctions I should have reported to the manufacturer.
Thankfully, the "fix" was for the erroneous code that was causing her to yowl and pine for love through the nights, waking all of us frequently. We can only hope that this correction will be available for humans soon.
So, for the last few days, she hasn't been moving around much at all, staying low to the ground and not getting into her favorite chair. Yesterday afternoon, however, I glanced into the living room and saw that my delay-producing dilemma was over, and snapped a few pictures. She posed very well, including a brief demonstration of several different ways to sit on this chair. I have animated them for your convenience.
You may also notice either (a) the presence of an archive navigator at the top of the page, or (b) the absence of the first few posts. Yes, there is a correlation. Let me know if they don't work or if anything looks weird. Also I turned the tagline box pink. I do not know if this was a good idea, but you know it is when you get in there playing with code.
Even if you are not personally cute today, this should take care of it:
I mean... I'm not an "animal person." I have been violently allergic to animals of all types for most of my natural life. Somehow, I have lived with a cat for several weeks now and, fortune of fortunes, it is one of the few of the species that does not engender unholy viscosity in my respiratory chasms. Her name is Rufus, and if she shows any fondness for any chairs, you'll be the first to know. After me. Or whoever tells me. But you know you're first in my book.
Now we have a dog. Current allergen level: unknown. This is Gotham, and he belongs to Nick Thompson. Or whatever the proper pet terminology is. In my brief interactions with this specimen, it appears to have none of the internal vibratory technology that Rufus utilizes to astounding effect, nor does he appear to be equipped with more than the most rudimentary of support structures. I mean, he's got itty bitty legs. SO cute.
Still, he knows what he likes, what he likes is a good seat, and he wasted no time scrambling up into this chair (one of the family that modelled for the illustration featured at the top of the page) to settle in. The acrobatics involved were unbelievable. If only I ran iloveanimalswhojumpfantasticallyhighconsideringtheirsize.com - yes, if only.
Matt and I have discussed what is and is not a chair, and he was delighted - nay, effusive - to discover a particular entry in the "Included Gladly" category. I imagine him (there's no basis for this hypothetical, but, well, I don't mind) sitting in his local library - on a standard-issue wooden chair, ergonomic for somebody - ostensibly doing a little research but really scoping out the hot ticket working the desk, absently flipping through a book about moleculatil dicarbonalysis between stolen glances at Little Miss Librarian scanning people's cards, loading up the return cart idling away the minutes on MyFriendsFace.com... when suddenly: it hits him! He mutters, "Oh, yeah! When Nick listed 'the seat of a racing arcade game,' I should have immediately sent him that picture of my friend Andrew Hood doing just that!"
In this fabrication, he scrambles out of the library, just barely managing to return the book to its proper place on the shelf, shooting the girl a quick salute. She swoons at this thoughtful young man, and will later say to her group of confidantes, "I didn't even get his number," and will request double shifts for the next couple of weeks, in the hope that she will be there when he comes back to finish his reading (guess what, they'll narrowly miss each other for all of the next month). And, I don't know, he narrowly dodges some cars or something on the way to his computer, at which time he emails me this:
What an outrageous contraption this is, when you really look at it. The cage, the gigantic screen, and the racer-ensconcing seat... goodness. To what lengths we go for entertainment! I cannot see the screen, but hope that he is winning.
Despite having plenty of concrete memories of Matthew, I've always had weird mental images of him. For years, anytime I tried to actively remember what he looked like, I would see him running, flipping his legs up to either side, shaking his head wildly... something I am fairly certain he has never done in actuality.
Changing topic: Are we having a good time so far? Are we thinking about the world any differently? Are you responding in any way to this? Do you have anything you'd like to contribute? I'm just wondering.
Now in the linkbox: The Craftsperson's Corner. This post is an introduction to the author of the first Corner piece.
This is my friend Matt, who submitted the picture from two posts ago. Contributor of more content so far than even me (if you count every individual picture), he is my oldest friend and a stalwart ally. Guess what level of education he's currently pursuing?
The chair in question was obtained, apparently, from filling out a questionaire. One has difficulty imagining a better prize.
Matt's doing chemicals at Georgia Tech. Give the Craftsperson's Corner a look to learn a little more about him and his long history of chair-care. I expect that we will see more from him in the fuchair.
Due to yesterday's being a no-update day - not to establish any kind of precedent whatsoever, concerning nopedate or compensation - today will be a two-picture update. This is fortunate, as I was planning a double anyway.
Here we see a Ms. Casey Sullivan: Camp Counselor, Perpetrator of Many Fine Arts, and All-Around Loving Person. Truly, there may be no one else I know who is as warm, exuberant and welcoming as Casey. Why, then, is she having this reaction to this mesmerizingly-patterned armchair?
She wants to able to sit here, really. This is way more effort than I am willing to give this one. Observe, as she is repelled by something akin to magnetism, except that it repels opposites and attracts more and more filth. In its prime, this chair might have been something to behold, and to your-b-hold. (Should I imply the phrase "butt-hold" as in "hold your butt" as in "the least appetizing way to describe the act of sitting" or... you know, I don't need you answer this one. It won't happen again.) Today, however, it is a sad old thing, badly in need of restoration or, at the very least, a deep deep deep cleaning. Oh, the stains. I know it looks okay from this angle. The photographic orientation was chosen for your protection.
Sometimes love is tough. To coin a phrase, to showcase this chair requires some "tough love." Let this serve as a reminder that we must care for those we love, be they recliner or be they swivel-seated bar-type chair. Or be they this chair. May they never be this chair.
I mean, even masquerading as a ghost, it is not appetizing.
Exultation! This is the first submitted image! Thank you, Matt - expect more in the next few days from this upstart. Featuring a beautiful, patterned-after-the-Autumn armless upholstered, with cameos by a more traditional rod-back (lower right, peeking in) and a truly radical young man, Matt's friend Kyle. Oh, and... is that an ottoman trying to get a little action on the left? Great! You're not quite front-and-center material, but this is how you get started. A walk-on here, a commercial there, maybe a little cosmetic carpentry, just to tweak a few things. No biggie. Return when you've gotten a little spine, child. A little lumbar support. We value your contributions to the reclining experience, but if you wants to leave the bleachers, you gots to have the features. Mm, girl.
Mhmm, girl.
If you showed this picture to an acquaintance (I won't accuse your true friends) and asked them, "Of what is this a picture?" I'd be willing to wager - hypothetically - that they would say, "A girl." Maybe, "The side and/or back of a girl." If they knew her: "That's an Emily." Perhaps something about a coffee shop.
If you're lucky, they'll say something about the fact that she is sitting, but today is probably not your lucky day. But... if this is your lucky day, do you want to waste it asking people obvious questions? I don't think you do. Get out there and narrowly dodge a bus or something.
Have you figured it out yet? Either way, we'll be brief: is it common to mention the chair? I'd be interested to find out for sure, but I don't think so. Without the chair, this "Picture of the Emily Mentioned in the Last Post" would be "Picture of Girl, Uncomfortable, On Floor." Is it important to think about the structural stability of this scene? Is it important to take notice of the only thing preventing young Emily from accelerating rapidly toward the ground? You'll have to decide that for yourself. We say: thank you, chair, for facilitating this meeting with friends, for providing a place to rest comfortably whether facing frontwise or back, and for, generally, getting the job done.
Don't be that acquaintance! Take notice!
So, I'm taking the chair from last post, just to illustrate one possibility for fulfilling the criteria of this webseat.
This is me, from a few months ago, about to receive a haircut from by best friend forever Emily. I am contractually obligated to refer to her as my "best friend forever." It's true, but I thought you should know about the contract. She has said she will contribute to the site. I almost cut my hair myself that day, in fit of, "Slight back-of-the-head curl, you are finished!" When I informed her of the plan, she saved me from that unstoppable debacle. She's a fine cutress.
I want to get into the idea of collective media, which this site ostensibly proposes to be, at first blush - what's key, I think, is that this could serve as a hub outlet for more than one person, not that we are all contributing to one object. The distinction is addressed well in this article from a webseat with plenty of interestingly-titled entries, though I haven't read any others yet.
It's entirely possible I'm addressing topics far too serious for the content of this webseat. What do you think?
Write me an email with any suggestions/complaints about the webseat (content or design), and, again, feel free to include anything you think should or could go on this page!
Could this be you? Not the chair, clearly. I mean: could you be sitting on this chair?
The answer is yes. Maybe not this particular chair (it's at my house, if you're interested), but some chair, somewhere, could join you in a picture. And that picture could end up on this webseat.
I'm interested in the idea of potential paths - in this case, the creation of an avenue and seeing what results. Simple image: water tends to run down the same directions, carving ever deeper into those grooves. After a while, it's difficult to imagine that there was ever a time that the river did not exist. Blah, blah, okay. One step more: if, in the infancy of that waterway, another branch were formed, either by accident or intent, it is possible that, given time, that little rut could become another formidable path. Water might never have even ventured that way were it not for that originating event, and now look at it!
Applied: I have noticed that the instigation of an outlet, a creative possibility, can by virtue of availability as an outlet actually bring forth more content. Maybe the river isn't the best visual, since there will only be so much rainfall on any given area, and humans appear to be capable of ever greater output, if conditions are right. I just know this - I started making up lyrics for songs when I was fifteen because some friends wanted to start a band. I hadn't ever really done it before, but since I wanted to be in the band, and I didn't have much else to contribute, I stuck with it. Slowly, the knowledge that I had books dedicated solely to writing lyrics, that it was something I "did," became an integral part of my daily functioning. Eventually, I just wrote lyrics because I wrote lyrics, whether or not there was a band that needed them. Now I have a stack of notebooks filled with verse that have become very dear to me, and resulted in some musical compositions that I am very pleased with. I also went from barely playing just the piano to playing both guitar and piano in a way that is satisfying to me, in part because I had all of these lyrics with nowhere to go.
So, chairs. The idea was had, a little encouragement and help arrived, and so it is created. There's not much here yet. Really, I don't know what this space will end up being. But, without detracting from any other pursuit, the idea of this webseat has already facilitated learning about webseats, a few fun ideas, interactions with friends that wouldn't otherwise have taken place... and we haven't even begun, yet. So it's a potential path, a place for some creative energy that maybe wouldn't have anywhere else to go... and the best part is, it could be that for you. Try thinking about the world from the perspective of chairs. Send me a picture of somebody sitting on a chair, with or without text accompanying.
Oh, and foremost: play. Play with the idea, the possibilities, the path that hopefully has not yet been explored. That's what I'm doing. And let's see where we end up.